Love is Blind, but I’ve Got Binoculars: Spotting Relationship Red Flags!

Let’s talk about red flags. Not the kind you wave at a soccer game when your team is failing, but the type that emerges in relationships when things begin to feel… off.

You know, those little indications that make your gut twist—but are so easy to neglect when you’re caught up in the whirlwind of emotions. I’ve been there. In fact, I had gotten so deep into denial one day that I mistook a red flag for a party favor—just kidding!

But we all get to that place where the mess is no longer cool, and the clarity just slaps you in the face. It’s the point where you start noticing all those red flags you did not see the first time around. Those tiny little red flags that didn’t feel like coincidences started to seem like the basis of a pretty unhealthy dynamic. Let’s be honest sometimes: we need a few hard knocks before we get the message.

As Carl Jung once so succinctly put it: “The privilege of a lifetime is to become who you truly are.” I only learned this the hard way; our past environments shape which behaviors we accept as normative, often without consciously recognizing it. Growing up in a chaotic environment taught me that dysfunction is par for the course. The constant noise, emotional turmoil, and silence became so familiar in my childhood that even as an adult, I would ignore small signs of something being wrong. Red flags? More like “Well, that’s just how things are!”

In my book, The Silent Abuse, I share my struggles—and how most of the time, it was the silence that kept me from breaking completely. The silence was my coping mechanism, but it also kept me blind to the subtle signs of harm creeping into my life and relationship.

It wasn’t until I dived deep into my very own psyche, looking in the mirror of my experiences so far, that I actually began to see these red flags for what they truly were. And that certainly wasn’t easy. Accepting and even expecting to see patterns of unhealthy relationships took a tremendous amount of time, patience, and a whole lot of courage.

But let me tell you this: clarity doesn’t just show up out of nowhere. It requires conscious effort to tune in to the signals your mind and body are sending you.

According to Psychology, past trauma could mess with our ability to identify the red flags. We start accepting normalcy in relationships that could be otherwise unhealthy because emotional turbulence is what we have experienced when growing up. However, the thing is that you are not supposed to overlook red flags. It’s your inner compass that guides you towards better dynamics.

How do you start identifying the red flags? First, trust your gut. If something feels off, it probably is. Pay attention to patterns, not just one-time incidents. Healthy relationships aren’t about constant chaos or walking on eggshells—they are built on respect, trust, and communication.

And, most importantly, know your worth. When you start to mend and recover your self-concept, those red flags will no longer look like small blips on the radar, but bright neon.

It’s a matter of taking the power back. Recognizing those red flags doesn’t make you weak; it means you are strong enough to walk away from what no longer serves you. It means you’re brave enough to heal and build relationships based on mutual respect, trust, and—yes—peace.

If you’d like to learn more about this journey, how I navigated through my own struggles, and what I learned in the process, check out The Silent Abuse. It’s a candid look at how I finally began to recognize the red flags, break free from the chaos, and rebuild my life—and I hope it will help others do the same.

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